Tuesday, March 03, 2015

A Funny Story about a Birthday & a Watermelon (2008)

I wrote this a while back and thinking about this story makes me giggle...okay cackle.  I still go through the photo album to relive it but it's one of those things were you HAD to know these people and you had to be there for those moments.

Formerly titled: What NOT to do if you just OFFICIALLY started your relationship Yesterday! 

Today was my neighbor's birthday. She turned 21 but she just got into a relationship (I don't know if I could even call it that!) with a my other friend Joseph.

Short version: Joe is an American boy, 20 or 21 but a bit....quirky. He's got his own sense of humor that is very...Western. Not a lot of Asians would understand anything but yeah... He's not a serious person and he's so Blase about EVERYTHING...but Smash Bothers.

Shishi is an only child, from a REALLY well to do Shanghai family and VERY Asian and to say the least, spoilt and usually gets what she wants.

Today was her birthday and her and Joseph just "Officially" said yeah, we are together. Before hand, Joe was very....weird about the whole admitting commitment and so for them to make it official was just like, FINALLY!

Well, it was ShiShi's birthday and so her party started at 7.30. People arrived around 8 but that's typical.

***GUYS: If you JUST STARTED a relationship, here's what NOT TO DO!!

So, everyone is waiting around for god knows WHAT and we come to realize that we are in a way waiting for Joe.

***JOE, came LATE, for his NEW GIRLFRIENDS BIRTHDAY: -1 point for Joe

Tuuli and I made a Wager on what time he would come. I even speculated that HE was still sleeping because after our class visited the Kyuudo Club, I was WIPED OUT! I'm so was Georgina. I just assumed that he would have been in the same state. HAHAH!

Tuuli was always optimistic and said, "Oh, I'm sure he has a good excuse for not coming"

"Pbbt! Yeah right! I bit he's asleep!"

Unfortunately we didn't bet on that as well otherwise I would have WON :P

Well we were wondering when he would come and so Tuuli being the optimistic one said, I'll say, he's going to come in a minute. I'm not as much as an optimist as a realist that sorta sees Joe as a WHATEVER kinda guy so, I said, "10:30".

It was 9:40 at the time so I was thinking that they would just rok up to the Kaikan at their normal blase time of LATE. I revised my time from 10:20-10:30 and Tuuli said from 9:40-10:19.

At one point, I had an almost scare that he came early around 9:50 but it was only David walking outside

We revised the rule that Joe had to walk INTO the Kaikan for the time to count.

LO and BEHOLD, It was 10:22 (haha, my b-day :P) and he walked in with a PAPER BAG nonchallantly as if nothing was wrong and joined us!

HA! I was ecstatic that I WON! HA!

We told Joe about it and he admitted he was ASLEEP! I would have WON again! :P

Anyhoo, he proceeded to tell us about what he did and Scott go curious as to what was in the Paper bad.

It had GHETTO writting "Happy Birthda~" and there was no "y" at the end of "day". Haha, it actually just looked like a squiggly line and when Scott looked in, he could barely contain his laughter.

"It's as watermelon"


"Joe bought ShiShi a Watermelon"

Everyone: ....BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Granted it was a cute gesture and a lot of western girls would have been tickled by the idea but not our High Maintenance ShiShi. At least all of us that lived with her since Sept knew that. Not...Joe.

*** Joe not understanding that His situation wouldn't matter to her or actually fully comprehending what his "Girlfriend" is really like. - 1 Point for Joe

All of us knew what ShiShi was like and when Joe said he bought her a Watermelon, we all looked at each other knowingly as we knew what was to come.

Joe explained that he was out of Money and remembered that she liked Watermelon. Now, that's a sweet gesture as we American's - ESPECIALLY COLLEGE STUDENTS always like to say, it's the thought that counts. We all knew that Joe wasn't exactly made of money at the moment, especially if he comes to the Kaikan just to eat because he doesn't have food or whatnot

We understand that!

ShiShi...wouldn't and didn't.

Haha, His GHETTO wrapping in the Paper Bag was definitely an, I-JUST-bought-this-now-and-I'm-giving-it-to-her-as-IS.

She was so excited that it was huge and heavy and me and the others just LOOKED at one another as we knew that she was expecting something big and grand and expensive but....Not So.

When she opened her paper bag, her face just dropped and everyone couldn't help but laugh. Heck, i couldn't restrain myself because it was cute but she couldn't find the hilarity or the amusement in it!

Then...came Joe's Card...

Joe bought her a card and didn't know what to write. His Japanese is not bad but I guess his Japanese writing isn't the greatest. He was on the train and asked some RANDOM Japanese Business man what to write for a birthday.

That would have been a great story to tell as well but....not in ShiShi's eyes!

First off, the Japanese man write VERY formal Japanese using "Yoroshiku" rather than something more...personal. Shishi was a bit miffed at how...Teinei - Polite it was. It was almost like a stranger writing to a stranger. If you really think about it, it was.

Not only that, the guy wrote 23 years old so Joe had to later cross it out and write in 21 years old!

*** Joe got a total stranger to write a card for his girlfriend and didn't even tell the guy correctly how old she was or their relation. -2 points for Joe

Joe later told us the story that he gave the Japanese guy on the train to write with a pencil but the guy insisted that he use a pen and busted his OWN pen out to write the message.

Haha, I pointed out to Joe that it was tough luck that he didn't write with a pencil otherwise he would have been able to erase it later and write in the correct date without seeming so indifferent (which is, unfortunately, one of his traits)

Okay, back to Shishi, she's a bit...cranky about her gift and to pour MORE salt on her wounds, our close Chinese friends, Jeff and Vicky came in from Tokyo a bit late BUT they had FLOWERS with them and she received them REALLY WELL! You can't help but feel bad for Joe because those two out showed his fruit.

We were trying to make light of the situation, especially Joe, since he usually makes jokes just to relieve some stress but he was joking with us Westerners, "he's later than I am and get's a better reception than me? WHO wants flowers?"

I chimed it to lighten the situation, "that's right?! You can't even eat them"

"Yeah, that's right. What are you gonna do? Let them sit there and what? Die?"

Although he was making jokes, he was obviously unnerved.

Next was the cake cutting time. ShiShi was cutting her own cake and then the watermelon to give to everyone and when she went to rinse it off, she had that scary look she gets all the time when she's trying be joking and lighten the mood but REALLY yoU KNOW she wasn't joking!

She has this...NOH mask like face she puts on and acted like she was going to stab Joe in the stomach. Me and the others looked at each other and knew that she probably would have if there were no witnesses :P

Well, the night...didn't get any better. If you are thinking, "Shit, what more could this guy do?!" Well, let me tell ya, he did... a lot of damage.

Maybe it didn't help that we were all Laughing at their expense but Joe was okay with us laughing because it was lightening the mood where I think now Me, Georgina and Tuuli are on ShiShi's SHIT LIST because she doesn't have a funny bone in her BODY!

Anyway, Shishi was talking to Joe and when he was turning away, he accidently knocked her earring off her ear!

***Joe's physical contact that wasn't a hug or a kiss was just pissin' her off.
-1 point for Joe

Next time they were talking she was asking him who wrote her card or something along the lines because all along she thought that HE wrote the Card but she either over heard or had enough brainpower to put two and two together so.... Joe LIED and said that a friend wrote it. Now if he was REALLY paying attention, he would have known that she was leading him into a trap (one of the two sides that MOST people don't realize unless you are a girl or a foreigner). Joe....didn't know still (dense MOFO! that he is) and looked at Tuuli telling him to say, Don't Tell the truth.

He...unfortunately can't think that fast on his toes when it comes to lies so it sounds like a .... lie. I'm sure she knew it was two but he was pretty much in deep as it was.

*** Joe didn't tell his girlfriend he got help writing his card for her and was caught in his own lie AS WELL as lied to her when she questioned him. -2 points for Joe

Well, you can tell that he's sorta given up at that point. Actually he did but when ShiShi asked him if they were going to Karaoke, he said that he wasn't going to go. He hates it and probably would have gone for her if not for all the blunders but I think he was defeated at this point.

*** Joe...gave up. -1 for Joe

technically, I dont' know what I would do if I had as many blunders as he did but I guess it didn't help that we were laughing the whole time. Granted, those of us that were laughing were finding morbid pleasure not in Joe's misery but in ShiShi's because she's wronged us with her two-faced actions in the past.

Still you can't help but feel for the guy that has a -9 points against him.

We'll see what happens from there.